When you are God, you know lots of things. Well, everything actually; but some of the things that I know would tickle you silly. For instance, I know how many people have ever inhabited the earth. Yea, it's a pretty big number, but try this one out for size: I know how many ants have ever inhabited the earth. As of the year 2012, it actually takes me a full fourteen minutes just to tell you that number so I think I'll pass on it for right now. Not that I'm running out of time--I just know how easily you humans lose interest. Or how about this one--I actually know which conspiracy theories are true, and which ones are just stupid theories that people have made up over the generations to get attention. I do actually know the answer to Life, the Universe and Everything and 42 isn't it. Unfortunately for you guys down there, it's a little bit more complicated than that, but 42 was a very noble try. Hairs on heads? Child's play. I know if time travel is, or isn't possible--I just won't ruin it for you right now. And yes, I do know if the chicken or the egg came first. I don't think I'll tell that one either right now because I'm keeping a list of how many serious arguments over it people actually have.
I guess one thing has just been intriguing me a lot lately. It has to do with basketball. Yea, it's a very American sport, and there are a lot of sports that humans have invented over the course of history that are a lot more difficult than basketball, and more fun to watch, and more physically challenging, but that's besides the point. The point is, how big of a deal everyone makes of it! I mean, sure, when you aren't God you get bored easily because you can't just create new things to entertain you, but I'm not sure why everyone is so enamoured with putting a little orange ball through a small circle. I guess some things are lost on me a little bit in the translation from humanity to divinity because it's no challenge for me to do that; I guess pastimes are pastimes. I create new galaxies and species, and those new species, instead of doing helpful things for the people around them, bicker and fight about the things that they do which have no actual impact on society. Now this brings me to my point.
While I'm sitting around up here taking an interest in your lives--yes, I actually do--I notice how all of the sports casters are sitting in their little booths talking about how amazing certain shots by professional basketball players are, or how they managed to get the ball past all the defenders to score. I guess some of that stuff is kind of impressive for a human, but whatever. The one that really gets my goat is when they say, "A perfect shot". No, it's never a perfect shot. Sure, all of those people who practice day in and day out and make their lives revolve around this sport manage to get it into the hoop pretty well, but they are far from perfect shots. This brings me back to all of the interesting things that I know. I can name every single "perfect shot" in existence. Every single perfect shot wherein the ball entered the hoop with the exact same distance from the rim around its entire circumference. Actually, there is only one. He was a 12 year old boy playing horse in his back yard with his friend, on January 14, 1963. He even ended up losing the game of horse and soon grew up to have a career as an accountant, playing basketball a total of 10 more times in his life.
Maybe some things just aren't as important as you make them.
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